Back From Six Flags.

And one of my friends says she can get it so guys ask me out. It makes me wanna drop my intake to 900 for a while, just to slim up a little, I swear I'm on top of things.
My shoulder, the right one, is sunburned. The only bra I have clean is too tight. I'm dressed for Driver's Training tomorrow.
Also, I'm exhausted.
So, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get to bed.
Night.

P.S. I know I'm well loved, it's just it seems like no one wants to come out and date me.

Holy. Crap.

Four followers already? I get that I posted this on my old blog, but...still.
I should be in bed, but Anna and I are talking about me goin to Six Flags tomorrow. I bought a swim suit just for it. It was a bikini, but I felt fat when I tried on the top.. so I got one that covers my fat..and then regretted it. I'm supposed to be getting stronger, so why do I feel so weak?
I'm scared I won't eat tomorrow, but I'm too proud to ask someone to remind me to eat. I don't wanna freak everyone out by passing out, but I don't trust myself with food. Period. Maybe I should and that will be one way to get better, but I'm scared. Scared of being fat again, scared of food, scared of not eating, scared of eating, scared, scared, scared.

Thank you, Zette. I really hope I can get used to a higher intake. Maybe I'll lower it and every week raise it a hundred calories.

Rachael, I dunno what they were. I never made not eating an obvious thing to them. It was just...everyone was standing really close to me while I was trying to get food and my little brother was throwing a fit because I only had a small salad and he had a huge sandwich, but it was unfair that I got to eat pizza also..so I threw my Alex-fit and went to eat.

Again, thank you all for supporting me. I'll need it!
With this I am going to head to bed. Goodnight.

Can't believe it

My family was throwing this huge fit. I couldn't think of words, so what came out was, "I never thought it would be a huge deal for me to not starve myself!".  No one said anything. Nothing. The silence is killing my now. Does it matter if I am unhealthy and starving?
I wanna be like that picture, happier.
I wanna be free. But I'm not. Today, I was counting calories, to make sure I ate a healthy amount. Around 800 calories, I had to remind myself that I was allowing 1200. I'm scared I'll never be free like I want to be.

You may know me

I'm Alex.
I may be the chick behind you in a class.
I might be your best friend, future girlfriend, or someone you hate.
All I can say is that I'm the scarred child who is making this blog. I'm fighting distorted eating and views of myself. I'm fighting my cutting addiction.
Most of all, I'm fighting to live.