I have to quit cutting, I don't want to have to start eating again. I want to count the calories that force their way into my system.
Maybe it's reading Wintergirls that's making me this way or actually talking about it to one of my friends. I want people who keep me on track. People who text me every day, saying "You need to exercise, fatty" or something similiar. None of my friends will do that for me. I want someone to tell me how they're diet is going so I can get jealous and try harder. I want someone... I want someone who pushes me. Who never tells me how great I'm doing. It's a lot to ask for, but I mean, I wanna push myself now.
I'm becoming a mess again. And I love it. When I do sit-ups, my spine grinds into the floor and it hurts and it's so lovely.
Any of you wanna help me be a mess?
Otherwise, I've been lovely. I told one of my friends about how I don't eat much. Now I need to live up to that.
Kes: I can't really tell you how my face looks. I think it's fat, but my dad once said my face is gaunt from "all of that puking" (I don't puke and never have). I usually end up with split ends too. My hair just grows out a lot before I get them, so I go back and have my hair cut to how it was before it grew out.
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