from 129 to 136.

What does this say?
Alex needs a better diet.
(Or to forget to eat.)
Alex needs to exercise
(for hours).
Alex just needs to learn that she will never win.
One day, she'll not eat, be perfectly happy until she realizes that this is considered a disorder.
Then she decides "Oh, I have to get better".
Then she gains weight.
And panickks because she's weak.
Then she wants to lose it.
So, Alex starts eating a lot better.
Then she starts eating less.
And, in the week, she's down to 500 calories.
All because she thought "getting better" was something she could keep up.
All because she isn't really better.
Recovery is possible.
Am I ready, though?

The more I try to get better, and become what I thought was comfortable, the more I think I'm doing this to prove to those of you out there who want to get better that it's possible to do. The more it feels normal to eat more, the more it seems wrong. The more summer passes, the more I feel like days are wasted because I'm not losing weight. I feel...trapped into getting better just to help those who think they can't. See, I'm young, I'm dumb, and worst of all, I want to be losing weight like this. I feel part of this community, but only barely and I don't like it. I want to be a bitch because I haven't had more than 200 calories for seven days. I want to... learn to fall (because my "recovery" was learning to fly) and I want to fall down, down, down. I want to scream piercingly as I fall, with laughter thrown it.
Worst of all, I looking for someone to say "Go Ahead".