Haha

I know I scared you when I planned out a fast for today. I knew it would just make me conscious of what I was eating. Even though I think I only had about 990 calories, it may be as high as 1100.Less was junk food also. See, unlike I used to, I eat when I plan out a fast.
You know, I thought that if I ate more, I'd realize that I was small. This is not the case, I've found. SO~ I've decided. I will eat however I feel like eating at the moment I wake up. I know, this may seem disappointing to those who believed I could truly do it, but I've been more panicky, scared, and other bad emotions since I started eating "normally" again. If I feel nice, "healthy", and happy, I'll eat like that. If I feel like complete shit, I'll probably not eat much. This isn't about weight. It's about doing what I want. And right now, I'm done eating for the day. I will be in control one day.
In about an hour, I'm going to go hang out with L.G., hopefully, and beg her to teach me about Wicca some more. I'm kinda iffy about it since I started eating more, which makes me feel really gross, but I wanna learn more and claim it as my own religion eventually.
Also... someone should find out Rachael's new blog and send me the link. Either comment with it or you can e-mail me at chokingonglass@hotmail.com.
With how much I change my mind, I don't expect everyone to always support me. Just make it so I know I'm not alone. That's all I'll ever ask for.
Last night, I cut my hip. It hurts, but for a moment, I felt like I was flying. I'll admit it, I love cutting. For me, it's not a painful thing I go through to torture myself. Now, it's a painful thing I go through to please myself. When the cuts heal, the razor leaves behind scars that remind me 1) I'm alive and 2) I've suffered through worse things. Yes, I realize cutting is harming myself. No, you should not go out and cut yourself. It's an addiction.

 

 americaneagle: Now you know why I planned a fast. I can't stick to it and I know that. My life is full of forever changing choices. Thinking I could be strong enough to choose to recover was silly of me. I'll recover in time as the scars that lead to this heal.

P.S. I love all seven of my followers. It reminds me of when my original blog, Choking On Glass, was littler. Still, I'm glad I made a new blog. I needed a new story to write. :) Also!~I'm back down to 130.