I hate this.

Cassie has so much control over me without even realizing it.
I love her enough to eat.
I love her enough to not cut.
I love her to the point I'm excited for the texts.
I hate that I love her enough that I'm almost crying because GUESS FUCKING WHAT, I LOVE YOU AS A FRIEND is basically what she told me the other day.
She said she had to tell me that she loves me because she tells Anna all the time.
We're like a family.
Except I love her. 
It's stupid, masochistic, tiring,
so why can't I just let it go?
Am I hoping?
How far can hope get you?
Not far because it's so fragile.
Everything, it seems, crushes it like the wuss it is.

I don't want to think about what I've eaten today.
Because Lexi and Alex would both agree.
Meaning I probably went over 500, but did it unhealthily.

Lottie: I decided to pretend forgive her. She mentioned being almost suicidal because of it and I do not want anyone's death on my conscience. I just don't know if it really was the right thing to do because there's no way we can actually go back being OH MY GOTH, YOU'RE AWESOME!
There's too much pain there.


P.S. I hate posting about love here.
P.S.S. Alex has made ANOTHER blog. This one is all things I want to say to Cassie (who I'll tell the real name of there) but don't have the balls to do. It is.... I Want You To Know. I was totally inspired by Rachael's Letters To Kelsey. I guess you don't have to read it, but it is gonna be my favorite of my blogs. Haha