I'm estimating...

That I haven't eaten enough today. Breakfast, at around 7, was probably only 100 calories, maybe a little more. But I was full. Then around two, I had a slice of pizza. Then summer, around seven, could not have been more than 800. But I was full, again. That's only about...1200. So I guess I have. Um, wow. YAY ME!! ^^
I have a white candle lit, for lighting, and protection. Because that's just what the white candle does. But it's funny because my mother told me to be careful it doesn't burn down the house. It's okay, Mommy, I'll put it out when I'm exiting the room. I put the used matches in water before throwing them out. I'm actually really excited to own these unscented, white, tealight candles. I bought them with my money without my mom questioning me too much. Her questioning was like this, "So, why do you want this?" "Because I leave my computer on all the time, so I figured I'd save you a few dollars and not use my light." She didn't say anything to that, just an "oh" kind of thing. She hates Wicca, but I'd only use it for protection and other people's gain because there's not much in this world I want. Sorry, you guys have to read me rant about my mom's religious views. It's just crushing to know I can't openly be, well, me around her. I can't be bi around her, and I can't express how I follow Wicca around her. I love my mommy, don't get me wrong, it just...hurts sometimes.
Tomorrow I probably won't post. I'm hanging out with Anna and spending the night at her place. Meaning I should probably wash some clothing. These cuts on my leg mean I probably can't wear the skirt I bought... :/ BUT I got a Boys Like Girls shirt and a Bullet For My Valentine shirt! I'll wear one tomorrow and take the other to change into for the day after (depending on how they fit) and I still need pants. Well, my black skinnies are out, though I do love them. They're Miley Cyrus jeans and are the only size 9 jean I own that don't fall off. They used to leave marks on my flabby thighs because they're pre-ripped all up them. The chick in the picture is wearing them (I think I wear them just as well, though I love her hair). Anyway, I have a pair of size 3 skinny jeans (I didn't know they were skinny jeans the first time I wore them, haha) and I think I'll be able to pull them off. They aren't torn up which gives me less rocker look, more classy look. And then for the day after tomorrow, if I survive, I'll have some other pair of pants that fit alright to wear.
Wow, and to think,  I still need to ask my mom if I can go.
Now that I'm looking, Miley Cyrus has an okay line of clothing. Some of it is kinda slutty, but some of it looks really good too.
Anyway...Yes, I love the movie Juno. I've only seen it twice, but it's my favorite movie.

Lottie: Hi, again! Thank you for the advice. Being happy with oneself comes from within. I've heard that so many times, but I still look for an outer solution to make me love myself.
I'm actually really happy eating more. I don't remember a single time that I was starving that I was so happy without caffeine or cutting. But I'm more moody too. My moods change on a dime. Like I'm fine now, but if my ex-boyfriend, who totally ticked me off last night, tried talking to me over facebook, I'd become really upset and frustrated. That's what I miss about not eating and my medication. The capability to not feel as much. I could crawl into a hole where nothing touched me. Now, everything's RAW and REAL and sometimes it hurts worse, but this is life. I have to live it.
I don't know if I click just yet with it. There's that phase where you have to question everything, and then you click. I'm in that...honeymoon phase. Where everything seems perfect because I feel accepted. It seems super complex, though. Like, the moon is involved and certain candles mean certain things and... it gets so confusing, I'm not gonna lie. My friend Anna doesn't care much about what each phase of the moon means, she just understands her powers are strongest under a full moon, but it means a little bit more to me than that. Sorry, I'm just going on about it. Haha. I just am bubbly and spent all of this afternoon writing various things about Wicca down and so I feel loaded with info.

P.S. Does anyone read these? Anyway, I love you guys.
P.S.S. I think I'm talking a friend out of suicide. I just told her that things get better. Maybe I'm saying this to myself too. But I told her if I can't leave her, she can't leave me. We will suffer through this and then, we'll live through it. She told me that she wrote stay strong on her wrists. STAY STRONG. Gosh, that saying means too much to me. Before, it was good job, keep not eating, you're doing great. Now, it's good, you ate, that's great, you can keep this up and you didn't cut, beautiful. Staying strong...what does it mean? That we survive again? What does it mean to you?